Lessons

Just finished watching Tuesdays with Morrie. Great movie. Morrie and I are so similar in so many ways. . we both believe in love completely. . we both want to be held when things are bad. . or good, or just because. We both feel the pain in the morning and at night. Morrie cries in the morning cause he knows he's gonna die, but then shakes the dust off his hands and decides to stop feeling sorry for himself because he knows it's not getting him anywhere. Usually in the morning I hold my pillow real close and pretend it's my soulmate. . and I guess I just hold her and pretend she's holding me. Nights are when I cry. . I don't know. . I think it's a weird Libra thing. I always wake up and I'm fine and my scales are balanced but by night they're goin crazy and I know I need sleep.

Morrie also showed me how important it is for me to forgive my parents, but leave them behind once I'm gone. Whenever I go out into the real world, with my friends outside of school on the rare times I can get out to go with them, I see what the real world's like. People are free and they don't waste their lives away worrying about their "mother" going berserk because they had a yogurt. . they don't go sneaking around their house for food or for a jacket. They're not constantly worrying about college and money and all this crap. They just. . are. They are what they are and they do what they do and they live in the moment, and that's what I have to try to do more, even with the limits I have because of my parents. But one thing's for sure - once I'm free, I'm never going to conform to their little twisted world again.


I'm still finding myself. Morrie taught me so much, but also helped me realize I still have so much to learn. Morrie's a lot like me in that he realizes that you don't have to be a goody two shoes in order to have love. So much is about policy and all these meaningless laws and consumerism and politics and avoiding wars and money. Honestly, screw it. I can stick to the 10 commandments and be perfectly happy, thank you. So many people are wrapped up in policy and money and work that they don't take the time to look at the big picture. Where are we, and what do we want? No, not the raise. Not the new gadget. What do we really, truly want inside our hearts? And the thing is, it changes all the time. We constantly have to reassess what we want, but the most important thing is, we have to approach everything with love.

People have told me before that I should be a therapist, or a motivational speaker, or a priest. No, maybe, and no. Even I don't have the patience to sit in an office all day and listen to people's problems. Yeah, I'm sure I could help, but I know that's not what I was meant to do. A motivational speaker, maybe. . I'm definitely good at not giving up, and motivating myself to keep going. . I'm sure I could motivate other people. And a priest? Honestly? Gimme a break. I'd get fired my first night on the job. I'd turn the church into a club and be hung over the next day.

But anyway it's getting late. I need sleep, and I need to start my pillow holding routine. Love ya baby. . wherever you are. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"You can't know how to live, until you learn how to die."

"We either love each other, or we die."

--- Morrie