Wow. . it's been a while, huh. I almost feel like a stranger to my own blog. . haha.
I guess I'll start in June. I visited my brother tony for a few weeks. . it was better than being here. He has a/c and soap and xbox and a little balcony where I could watch the stars and try to find peace. He's still insecure and still looking for a new girlfriend and still has next to no friends, and still isn't taking mine or Jen (sister)'s advice to be outgoing and meet people and do fun things. He's still obsessed with his car even though he doesn't know what a timing belt is, and he's still obsessed with locking everything and being in his own little world and yelling at me when I go outside at night to lay on the grass outside his apartment cause he thinks gangsters are gonna attack me. Then I had to be at my parents house for a while, then I just got back from spending a week with Jenny in Boston. . so much more stuff to do and a lot more exciting, although she can be really blonde and it's hard to tell what she's feeling and I don't think she ever really knows what she wants. . but who does? She's a really awesome person, but I think she's so numb she never truly feels anything and her feelings are locked up in a vault deep down. She's super impatient and can get super pissed over nothing. But other than that, she's cool. And don't get me wrong. . I'm not perfect either. I'm probably going a little bit insane but Im not letting go. And I'm too sensitive and I cant ever figure out what Im lookin for either.
Anyway. . after years of bullshit with my dad who wants me to be his little lawyer son, I finally got contacts and put them in so now Im wearing em every day. It's just a little piece of the future. Soon I'll be out of the "crappy phase" where I have to have my teeth fixed and make my glasses go away and my skin not break out as much even though it's always greasy cause of the heat. Once I'm fully outta the crappy phase then I'll be completely happy. . haha.
Other than that, I'm just working for whoever the hell I can who'll give me money. For the next couple weeks I'll be working two or three jobs a day for different neighbors, and money's definitely comin in, so that's looking up at least.
I had started working out again while I was at tony's because I didn't have to be a secret agent to wash my clothes and keep cool, but then I stopped when I got back to connecticut because I realized that while I"m dealing with this lifestyle there's no way in hell I can run and lift in 90 degree weather with no a/c and no way to keep clean which I'm already having a tough time with as it is - it wouldn't be physically safe. So that pissed me off, but I guess there's always college to work out.
I still need her. I don't think about her as much but I know she's always in the back of my mind. Just longing. . to reach the clear skies that seem to get farther and farther away every day. I don't even know what I need. . maybe a girl isn't the answer. Maybe love isn't the answer because Im keeling over from knots in my sides from chasing it, but never catching it. I don't know. But I will in time. For now, I have to sleep.
Promise.
