Close your eyes. Think about me. Remember me. Find me.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
September 23
I really want you baby girl. I love you. . do me a favor and don't ever forget it. . ok? ok.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
September 15
Dear Love of my Life,
So I'm thinkin about you. . . yet again :) I talk about you so much. . you're so popular! haha. Even though I realized that I have so much to live for besides what we're gonna have, and that I'm worth so much and I'm gonna do so many great things - we're gonna do so many great things - even though I realized all that, I still think about you sometimes. And, I think that's okay. I know you're not gonna be perfect, and I don't want you to be. You're gonna be my non-perfect angel and hopefully I'll be half the guy of your dreams. But we'll be together. And I'll love you so much and we're gonna make so many awesome things happen. I still fall asleep sometimes pretending we're holding each other. . I need you sooo much haha. You're worth so much too. We're both gonna be so free. You're so beautiful to me, and to everyone. Sometimes I think about what you'll look like. . what kinda eyes you'll have and what your smile will be like. . and what it'll be like when the sun hits your hair. Screw non-perfect. . you'll be my angel and I'll be half the guy of your dreams. Haha. I'll always be there for you, about anything. We'll see the world. . then go back and see it again. As many times as you want. I wanna fall asleep in your arms so bad. So close, so warm. But only after you check our closet for monsters and you tuck me in :). I wanna hold you for days. Just lay in bed and hold you. I love you. i have to go. xo
Sunday, September 5, 2010
September
I'm really lovesick right now.
Wanna be held. Want to feel what it's like.
Tired of this feeling but it never goes away.
One day I'll be able to make it go away.
Friday, September 3, 2010
September 4th
I haven't written in here in a while. Right now it's 1:30 in the morning. . I'm at a neighbors house watchin her dogs while she's away. . I'm sleeping here for the weekend.
School started on tuesday. It was cool to see my friends again and being back in civilization helped me so much. I saw shell and hunter (my two best friends) and got to hug them 5 million times. . that's our thing. . we always hug each other. . shell giggles and hunter's like two heads shorter than me so I have to like bend down when I hug her. . lol she's cute. I got good teachers too. I think marketing's my favorite class cause i dont think we'll do shit in that class. . plus the teach likes me. . haha. My friend Kai totally made a bad impression on her. . he's always late and he messes with the projector and makes like birds and shit during class . . it pisses her off. . sucks for him that she's gonna hate him for the rest of the year, but at the same time he's hilarious.
Thursday my "mother" got surgery. . . a DNC and two herneas, which she blames on her "children" because of her c-sections over 16 years ago. She keeps having to get DNC's because this tissue won't stop growing. It's precancerous. . . whatever. Don't even have anything to say about her anymore, really. . she's kinda hopeless.
So my brother TJ came up for a couple days cause she had surgery he wanted to be there to help around the house. I've been negotiating with my dad about getting my license and car insurance, but as usual, he's wasting his life away also. Keeps saying about how someone could sue him for millions and take his house away. Meanwhile he's making me pay through the nose for insurance from my "bank account" which I still haven't seen. Then he talks about how we're in a recession and "people are getting desperate" and there are "burglaries". . . we live in a small town and his house is 8 miles from the town in the middle of a forest. fuckin worrying his life away. . but whatever. he's just really twisted.
So I was getting stressed out about how I was going to pay for insurance and where the money's even coming from and how I can keep paying expenses and how I can go to college and how I can distance myself from them and I was gettin depressed about all I missed out on growing up and if I'll be okay. Sometimes I get so scared cause there are so many unknowns. I wish someone would just come up to me and tell me for sure, everything'll be okay. Promise me. TJ and I were outside and I was talkin to him about how I was scared. . he was washing his car. . and then a rainbow came out of nowhere. TJ thinks it was God tellin me I'd be okay. I don't know, but it was beautiful. Guess miracles can happen anywhere. Then I came here and I watched Titanic. . I haven't seen it in years. Makes me cry every time. . haha. Guess I'm just a sucker for happy endings and beauty and love. Then I thought of my soulmate. Lying my head on her chest. . her fingers running through my hair and her hand going along my side. . kissing her. . putting my hand on hers and sliding my fingers through hers. . holding her hand. Being my baby. . me being her love. She always makes me feel better.
Love you honey
Love you world.
Pray. Soon <3
School started on tuesday. It was cool to see my friends again and being back in civilization helped me so much. I saw shell and hunter (my two best friends) and got to hug them 5 million times. . that's our thing. . we always hug each other. . shell giggles and hunter's like two heads shorter than me so I have to like bend down when I hug her. . lol she's cute. I got good teachers too. I think marketing's my favorite class cause i dont think we'll do shit in that class. . plus the teach likes me. . haha. My friend Kai totally made a bad impression on her. . he's always late and he messes with the projector and makes like birds and shit during class . . it pisses her off. . sucks for him that she's gonna hate him for the rest of the year, but at the same time he's hilarious.
Thursday my "mother" got surgery. . . a DNC and two herneas, which she blames on her "children" because of her c-sections over 16 years ago. She keeps having to get DNC's because this tissue won't stop growing. It's precancerous. . . whatever. Don't even have anything to say about her anymore, really. . she's kinda hopeless.
So my brother TJ came up for a couple days cause she had surgery he wanted to be there to help around the house. I've been negotiating with my dad about getting my license and car insurance, but as usual, he's wasting his life away also. Keeps saying about how someone could sue him for millions and take his house away. Meanwhile he's making me pay through the nose for insurance from my "bank account" which I still haven't seen. Then he talks about how we're in a recession and "people are getting desperate" and there are "burglaries". . . we live in a small town and his house is 8 miles from the town in the middle of a forest. fuckin worrying his life away. . but whatever. he's just really twisted.
So I was getting stressed out about how I was going to pay for insurance and where the money's even coming from and how I can keep paying expenses and how I can go to college and how I can distance myself from them and I was gettin depressed about all I missed out on growing up and if I'll be okay. Sometimes I get so scared cause there are so many unknowns. I wish someone would just come up to me and tell me for sure, everything'll be okay. Promise me. TJ and I were outside and I was talkin to him about how I was scared. . he was washing his car. . and then a rainbow came out of nowhere. TJ thinks it was God tellin me I'd be okay. I don't know, but it was beautiful. Guess miracles can happen anywhere. Then I came here and I watched Titanic. . I haven't seen it in years. Makes me cry every time. . haha. Guess I'm just a sucker for happy endings and beauty and love. Then I thought of my soulmate. Lying my head on her chest. . her fingers running through my hair and her hand going along my side. . kissing her. . putting my hand on hers and sliding my fingers through hers. . holding her hand. Being my baby. . me being her love. She always makes me feel better.
Love you honey
Love you world.
Pray. Soon <3
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