New Beginnings

So, I'm done with school. . finished on Friday. Parents were on a cruise that they got as a gift for "dad"'s retirement. Did a ton of laundry, messed around with their brand new car, stuffed my face, dogsat, cleaned up a little. . . mostly just was happy not to have to deal with school anymore. Bro was there for the weekend, then he took me back to his place and I'm stayin here for a couple weeks. It's such a nice feeling to be done with school, to have so much free time. I'm gonna be a senior soon and I have some things to figure out but Im gonna take things step by step as always. I'm gonna start my book this summer, start working out again, try to write in my blog more, try to make money, and try to make life better for myself however I can. I have to look at colleges. . once I know where I'm going a huge load of stress'll be off my shoulders because I'll know that I'll have a place to go to have a fresh start. Yeah, maybe I'll totally go crazy against my parents once I'm gone and never come back, but there's always student loans, so no matter whether I win the game or not, I'll be safe. I know I could get into tons of good colleges because I have good marks and I'm smart and good SAT scores and whatever extracurriculars I could get in that didn't involve a ton of him picking me up from school since I'm not worth the gas. . but just. . I need to know where I'm going, and once I do I'll feel a hell of a lot better.

Sorry to the people who emailed me/replied to my emails who want to help. . I'll email you in the next few days. Right now I'm tryna get my stuff together and reassess my goals and what I wanna do short term. But thank you all for your help and support.

For now, I'm going to keep working, keep figuring out what I wanna do and where I'm going and who I am, and I'll keep you all updated.

Peace

6/9/10

Only two days of school left. Four finals. Should prolly start studying. . haha

So, I went through some of their shit lookin for a wallet they took and I found a whole cabinet of hate letters to my sister. . how they told her how terrible of a person she is. I put them back as soon as I found the boxes of letters but as soon as they leave Imma take em all out and go through them all. Maybe I'll even find my old diary in there or other shit they stole. Can't wait to start my book!! After I get a couple days straight of sleep. . lol.

I also realized I'm so glad this blog and everything else I'm doing is anonymous. I mean, it's anything but anonymous. . I'm pourin my whole life out here. . but it's just like, I'm glad to get stuff out but I'm also glad that I still can start fresh once I leave. . forget about this blog and everything I wrote and all of this shit.

I'm gonna be okay. . hangin out at my brother's in PA for a week or two starting this weekend. . so hopefully that'll help me get my head on straight. . again.

6/6/10

Love you too, Scarlette Marie Day with Ice white eyes, black hair, and pale skin. . if you're real

6/6/10

It's so funny how they think they have control over me. . soooo funny!!! Just knowing how bad I'm gonna fuck them over when I leave is payback enough. . how she's gonna get even more depressed than she already is, if that's possible. She'll get so angry and end up killing herself. . works for me. I'll be in cali!! I just have to keep playing their little game. . making the cogs of their twisted clockwork turn. . just keep putting water in the icemaker. Thinking about it, this is kind of like having someone pressing a gun to your head for years. After a while, everything's so cool, and calm, and you're floating. But that day when I leave. . that beautiful, beautiful day. . I'm just gonna drive away. When I know I have enough money to survive, at that moment, I'm leaving. Leaving all the evil behind me, going out on my own to find the things that are beautiful. I am so gone. And, I'm winning right now. Because right now, minutes are going by. Gone. Over. And no matter what the fuck they do, they can't control time. That's the beautiful thing about it. Time is free.