That's all I have to say. Today was one of the worst days Ive had in a long, long time. I literally thought about hitting her head with a frying pan and shooting him. I'm not even going to go into it because I don't remember everything that happened today or this week and I don't want to remember and there's no point in explaining it. I was helpless. So, God help me. God give me a miracle. God, do something. The fight I'm putting up. . the being rational. . being the diplomat. . agreeing with them. . getting them to shut the mother fucker up. . the amount of effort I put into it anymore is pathetic. And I want to give up. I'm thinking of just graduating and cutting myself off from them early and getting loans no matter if he'd pay college tuition or not. They make me so sick. . I seriously want to barf right n0w. I have so many pent up emotions. . hate. . bitterness. . I can't hold them anymore and I want them to be gone. I don't care about money or college because I know as long as I graduate high school I can figure it out from there. . so many people on my street have had fucked up parents or didn't have any help with money and they're all living in mansions. And I have so many friends who wouldn't let me fall down the tubes.
Right now I have to focus on getting my license. I'm already taking drivers ed which cost like 500 dollars which he paid for from my "bank account" (all my money he can find which he takes and puts in his account). . so, I'll have my license in july of this year. Then I guess I'll see how things are. If they get better I won't cut them off right out of high school. . it all depends on how much I can take and how much I'm willing to play russian roulette with tuition. Once I have my license and I took SATs and I have all the documentation in my hand, I could figure it out. God help me.
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