Every time I see them, I get scared. . I've been at my neighbors house most of the day, dogsitting, which the parents let me do. While I was there, I watched a movie about a wife who gets abused by her husband. He married her and he seemed like the perfect guy, but then she found out he was cheating on her and he hit her when she got mad at him. From then on, he kept hitting her if she did something he didn't like, and it kept escalating. And he didn't get all pissed or anything. . he just hit her and said calmly, "I'm the man. And I need another woman to satisfy my needs and desires. You're the wife. Remember your place." How twisted is that?
And I feel like, that's the exact same thing that's going on with them. Sometimes, yeah, they get in a rage and go crazy. . but sometimes. . maybe even more scarier, she does the mind games. It's like I tell her she's crazy, she hits me (figuratively) and says calmly, "what do you mean? i'm completely right. I'm perfect. You're the kid. You're powerless and helpless. Remember your place."
They're so unpredictable and I lie to them every single day about something little and stupid and meaningless, whatever it is. And they're just twisted. . like, it's not something you get help for or something someone else can change. It just is. That's the way they are, and to them there isn't even a question of whether they're right or wrong. I'm so afraid they'll find out. And I keep thinking of the day when I'm gonna cut them off. . and it keeps replaying in my mind. It's probably gonna be the worst day of my life, cause I'm going to have to cut them off and leave and make sure they never could find me, and God, they'll try to. But then I won't have to be scared. . cause physically it'll be me, my friends, and if need be the police against two old people who have no resources and who are insane.
I have to stop thinking about that though. . I'm stressing out about what's gonna happen years from now, and right now I need to get more important things done.
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