So, my school's having a drive to bring in toiletries to help people in Haiti. . and, you guys know how I said a few times about how I wanted to help them, but couldn't because I had no access to a credit card or something I could use to donate - so when I heard about the charity thing at school, I was soo happy. So this morning while they were out I went up to my sister's old bathroom where they keep all the good toiletries that they buy and got a bag of stuff - hand soap, bar soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, lotion, hand sanitizer, deoderant. . and hid it in a binder in my bag, so I'll bring it to school tomorrow. Lol I was like, this drive is totally for me cause my parents have two 2x2 ft. boxes of toothpaste right now and all kinds of crap that's just going to sit there and rot - might as well give it away!!! I don't use the toothpaste because most of it expired in the '90s, but the soap, toothbrushes, and lotion are still good. . . stuff like that doesn't really expire. Plus I couldn't use the toothpaste even if I wanted to cause if they found out I was "stealing" from them, they'd kick me out, for sure. So that's why I buy my own and honestly I'm getting to the point where if she screams at me about me buying my own toothpaste I'm just gonna throw her into a wall. I'm getting to the point where I have zero tolerance for her bullshit, which is making things even more stressful, because I have to talk to her to make her shut up, but whether I talk to her or not she's not going to shut up, and at the same time if I do talk to her I have to avoid the subject of me buying my own things, which she always brings up and screams at me about. She always tries to provoke me into starting a fight and I totally just have to fight her mental games or walk away. So, it's kinda like, lose-lose-lose, times. . 5 million.
But, I really don't care. I'm in it to win it!! Lol. . Gonna keep their "trust" (even though I hear all the time about how they dont trust me) and tell them what they want to hear until college. The day I graduate college, I'm literally saying fuck off to their faces. . . hahaha. I really don't care. And while I'm in college, I'm going to separate myself from them as much as possible. . going to try to stay summers and get a really good job and maybe an apartment or live in my car or something. . or live with a friend. I really don't care but I can't come back here. . . but anyway. . I'm not going to worry about that right now. Right now I have to finish homework, wash up, and go to bed. Got through another day. I can't believe driver's ed is in a week!! Just gotta keep looking forward to things and praying and do what I had said about my goals.
God, give me strength and courage. Help me get out and not look back. Give me support and love. Help me be safe. Help me get through this and help me be who I want to be. Please.
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