September 4th

I haven't written in here in a while. Right now it's 1:30 in the morning. . I'm at a neighbors house watchin her dogs while she's away. . I'm sleeping here for the weekend.

School started on tuesday. It was cool to see my friends again and being back in civilization helped me so much. I saw shell and hunter (my two best friends) and got to hug them 5 million times. . that's our thing. . we always hug each other. . shell giggles and hunter's like two heads shorter than me so I have to like bend down when I hug her. . lol she's cute. I got good teachers too. I think marketing's my favorite class cause i dont think we'll do shit in that class. . plus the teach likes me. . haha. My friend Kai totally made a bad impression on her. . he's always late and he messes with the projector and makes like birds and shit during class . . it pisses her off. . sucks for him that she's gonna hate him for the rest of the year, but at the same time he's hilarious.

Thursday my "mother" got surgery. . . a DNC and two herneas, which she blames on her "children" because of her c-sections over 16 years ago. She keeps having to get DNC's because this tissue won't stop growing. It's precancerous. . . whatever. Don't even have anything to say about her anymore, really. . she's kinda hopeless.

So my brother TJ came up for a couple days cause she had surgery he wanted to be there to help around the house. I've been negotiating with my dad about getting my license and car insurance, but as usual, he's wasting his life away also. Keeps saying about how someone could sue him for millions and take his house away. Meanwhile he's making me pay through the nose for insurance from my "bank account" which I still haven't seen. Then he talks about how we're in a recession and "people are getting desperate" and there are "burglaries". . . we live in a small town and his house is 8 miles from the town in the middle of a forest. fuckin worrying his life away. . but whatever. he's just really twisted.

So I was getting stressed out about how I was going to pay for insurance and where the money's even coming from and how I can keep paying expenses and how I can go to college and how I can distance myself from them and I was gettin depressed about all I missed out on growing up and if I'll be okay. Sometimes I get so scared cause there are so many unknowns. I wish someone would just come up to me and tell me for sure, everything'll be okay. Promise me. TJ and I were outside and I was talkin to him about how I was scared. . he was washing his car. . and then a rainbow came out of nowhere. TJ thinks it was God tellin me I'd be okay. I don't know, but it was beautiful. Guess miracles can happen anywhere. Then I came here and I watched Titanic. . I haven't seen it in years. Makes me cry every time. . haha. Guess I'm just a sucker for happy endings and beauty and love. Then I thought of my soulmate. Lying my head on her chest. . her fingers running through my hair and her hand going along my side. . kissing her. . putting my hand on hers and sliding my fingers through hers. . holding her hand. Being my baby. . me being her love. She always makes me feel better.

Love you honey
Love you world.

Pray. Soon <3